Why? Simple: I grew up under the old methods of “finish what’s on your plate” and “a growing boy needs his food.” Both my parents worked, but my mom found time to cook everyday and meals were very rarely microwaved or made of processed foods — they just happened to be high fat, high calorie or portions were on the extreme side (who knew that the ultra-fresh chicken I ate as a kid is now considered high end gourmet in a restaurant and costs 3x as much?). I was a very active child and yet I was nearly as round as I was high.

Then, sometime around my junior year of high school, it went away. I went from 200+ pounds to just over 150 without too many significant changes. It was like someone had flipped the switch for my metabolism. Flash forward 15 years and I don’t struggle with my weight, but I am always conscious of it. I read the nutrition facts, exercise and generally know calorie counts without needing to read the label — and I can say that it is by no means easy to simply maintain a healthy weight.

As we look for the single answer to obesity in America (you know, the one we can solve with a pill), I think it is time to look at all the issues that might be causing the single problem in the hope of making the changes we need to reverse this course:

• Extended Workweek. This has a few layers. Kids, two working parents, and the death of the 40 hour work week might play the most significant role all around. Working a sedentary desk job where taking a lunch break is frowned upon is not healthy and on the work clock 24 hours a day doesn’t leave a lot of time for studying nutrition and meal planning. Sprinkle in some stress and you have the perfect storm of adult obesity and creating an obese child. We need to put food on the table and don’t have a lot of time to do it. And exercise? Ha!
• Industrial to Technological Economy. I grew up on a farm tossing around hay bales and bags of fertilizer. I now sit at a desk and type away. I wonder: which one burns more calories? This isn’t a suggestion to go back to our industrial ways, but we do need to make adjustments for our new, more sedentary ones.
• More Options. Worked late and need to get food on the table — a full meal is only a phone call or quick stop on the way home away. And I can’t say that fresh produce stands are popping up and advertising like some other more well known establishments.
• Less Understanding. The fact that a parent out there didn’t realize Nutella wasn’t a healthy food choice says that education could play a major role in obesity (and I don’t mean about how to just read a nutrition label — I think we need to brush up on simple reading and comprehension skills as well).
• Mixed Messages. “You’re 12 and morbidly obese, but that’s okay, you should be comfortable in your own skin.” Time to take of the gloves. “My child is obese and will die young.” We have to be honest with ourselves. There are winners and losers in the real world — but it doesn’t mean that you can’t change it.

The severe shortage of time and the abundance of options create an atmosphere ripe for the growth of obesity. Add economic, geographic and demographic overlays and the picture gets even more convoluted. Companies are crying foul as employees get more expensive to insure but on the other hand making it more and more difficult for workers to find the time to be active and focus on proper nutrition. I think this is a circle we do want broken.

For ourselves, we need to make the time for proper nutrition and exercise and less time for excuses. For our children, we must set good examples and provide healthy food and activities. It won’t happen overnight, but we need to start somewhere. Our lives and the lives of our children depend on it.

Literally.

For more information:

http://www.cdc.gov/cdctv/ObesityEpidemic/

http://www.ajpmonline.org/webfiles/images/journals/amepre/AMEPRE_33853-stamped2.pdf

I don’t know the details of the case, but if there isn’t much more than what is reported — I think this woman’s daughter should hire her own lawyer and sue the mother for neglect. Why? She openly admitted in court that she fed something to her child having no idea what it contained. And better yet — she repeatedly did it. Maybe she should be held on charges of Childism.

This is not to say I think Nutella should be presenting itself as a healthy breakfast option. I am not against lawyers or lawsuits and I am not pro-corporation. However, I am pro-responsibility and pro-reason. Again, I don’t know the details — maybe Ms. Hohenberg asked Nutella to stop their advertising and they refused so the lawsuit was necessary to stop it. And maybe, her admission of being “shocked to learn” that Nutella “was the next best thing to a candy bar,” was something her lawyer came up with to win the case.

In either case — being unable to read or playing the complete fool — it doesn’t say much for Ms. Hohenberg. And beyond that — and most disturbing — she was giving something to her child without knowing its contents. I don’t think that is really the case — I think Ms. Hohenberg is playing both sides of the coin and is willing to admit to a lie (perjury) to gain the other.

So, as I wait for the cost of Nutella to go up and for the next lawsuit (I have money on the lawsuit being about STOP signs not being explicit enough — stop what? the car? the engine? talking?), I will talk to my son about responsibility and reason and work on critical thinking with him — three items that I fear will be even more sorely lacking in the world around him when he is my age.

“I walk out of this office every day at 5:30 so I’m home for dinner with my kids at 6, and interestingly, I’ve been doing that since I had kids,”

A tech job and you leave by 5:30?? Everyone grab your organizationally-driven motivating quotes! We have a lazy employee!

“You need a strong work ethic to make it anywhere…”
“You need to put your time in to get ahead.”
“If you feel your work is done…”
“Interesting.”

Oh, you’re a COO…at company with a $100 billion valuation and an upcoming IPO…

I am not going to rehash my thoughts from my earlier post — but if you don’t have time to read it — the short is that I support Ms. Sandberg in what she said (and did/does) and I think it is great that someone at her level came out and said it. She frames it inside her role as a parent, but it applies to everyone: Just because I can (be working all day) doesn’t mean I should.

Pete Cashmore over at Mashable gets it too (from Why it’s OK to leave a tech job at 5 p.m.):

Ultimately, I think the measure of our work is in our productivity, not the number of hours we put in.

I couldn’t agree more — if you are equating hours worked with employee productivity and thereby value then I think you not only missed the boat but you still can’t see the shore. In that theory, if I was baling hay and I was able to make 300 bales in 2 hours while the person next to me did exactly the same in 10 hours — the person doing 300 bales in ten hours would be considered the better worker according to the time=productivity standard.

Naysayers, I know it is not that simple, but I do want to offer the counter argument that a lot of the time — it IS that simple. And the funny part of the whole thing is that it it really isn’t total volume of hours that are being judged — just those that are visible and typically at the end of the day.

My two main points are simple:

1. Work hours do not productive employee make. Sometimes long hours are necessary, but there has to be a line somewhere. Being efficient shouldn’t be detrimental to my career and on the side of the employer, shouldn’t mean I get to put in a four hour day either.
2. As a dad, I have a responsibility to my son. The long term effects of absentee parenting are not fully understood and just because he can’t spout time-weary cliches doesn’t mean the responsibility is any less important. A successful career shouldn’t require being a failed parent.

So, thank you Ms. Sandberg for bringing something to light that has been bothering me in this digital age. I say that with sincerity and not sarcasm. There are more factors to gauging employee effectiveness than simple “time served” (which is a notion that seems to stem from the other wonderful idea that “since I had to do it, so should you”) and I hope this conversation continues.

I understand the backlash and think that Huggies deserves almost every single criticism for the sheer fact they used a stereotype as the basis of the campaign. I say almost since, well, some complaints are straight from the book of crazy. I think the other dads out there raking Huggies over the coals — from DaddyYo Dude’s Open Letter to Huggies to The Good Men Project are right on.  If I had to guess, the campaign was most likely created by a room of marketing data wonks at Ogilvy and Mather (the digital AOR for Huggies, although I am not sure if they came up with the original idea) with nary a parent among them. I would think the input of a parent would be useful here, but then again, I would also think that a woman’s input on female contraception would be useful in a congressional hearing (Washington Post gets the props yet again) — but neither happened.

Did someone get reprimanded (or fired) for the move for angering involved fathers everywhere or promoted for creating buzz about the company? I would like to think the former (not that someone lost their job), but my skepticism says the latter. I am not sure I really want to know.

My ultimate fear is that the fathers that did call Huggies out are the exception and not the rule. Sure, dads have come a long way and I agree with DaddyYo Dude that we shouldn’t get a pat on the back for simply doing our fair share, but I think we need to recognize that not every dad out there is an active parent to their children. The most likely truth is that there is a large group of moms out there that would love to see their husbands take over child rearing for a few days knowing that it could end within hours — possibly minutes.

Also, I have mentioned before that different isn’t bad. Different is just…different. And maybe, to give Huggies the benefit of the doubt, the idea wasn’t that a father couldn’t take care of the kids by himself but that a man’s (dad) way of doing things is different from a woman’s (mom) way of doing things. I doubt it, but…well…who knows.

In the end, perception is reality. Take this article I quoted in an earlier post from the New York Times — a survey from pampers found:

69 percent of men responded that they changed diapers as often their wives, while 11 percent said they did so even more often. Although men’s perceptions differ from women’s (only 31 percent of mothers said fathers split diaper duties equally, and just 4 percent said fathers did more).

I am not defending Huggies — far from it — and I am in support of the dads that have let their anger be known. But, this is a complex issue that goes well beyond advertising. Just look at your HR policies….

fan through to the section on paternity leave…

I will caveat and say that we have the train, which is no longer available, but the new versions seem to be more souped up and cooler. Considering this was purchased by my partner in crime as a closeout (since they were discontinuing the train) and as an unplanned “looks cool” toy, we are very happy with it.

There are lots of toys and lots of educational toys, so I am not going to compare it to them and say it is far better than anything on the market. I simply like this train for the fact it is colorful, simple to use and actually works when you put it together — which is the same reason my son likes it. It is nothing more complicated than a bunch of plastic parts and screws that go together with a triangle head plastic screwdriver. When complete, it rolls and has a couple moving parts to make it look like a moving train. My son is on the cusp of three and can’t quite master it completely, but with just a touch of help, he is off and running.

I like it better than some of the other thoughtless toys he has around him where flashing lights and sound draw him in like a moth to the flame. Don’t get me wrong — they have their time and place, but it is also nice to have something my son can interact with (motor skills) and enjoy without it being some sort of major school lesson. That will only come in due time.

I was at the doctor’s office the other day and get this, the INSERT POLITICALLY CORRECT NAME FOR THE PERSON THAT IS FORMALLY EDUCATED AND TRAINED IN THE CARE OF THE SICK AND INFIRM asked for my gender and gave two options: Male or Female. I couldn’t believe that in this day and age how sexist someone could be.

First, we have become so worried about sex that the word no longer is used to define our…sex. Gender is the term to define the societal and psychological characteristics you display while sex is used to define physical characteristics. Gender=Psychological. Sex=Physical. Somewhere along the way, sex became a bad word and gender has taken its place. Lesson for my son: Sex is evil. I know that’s how you came to be, but it is inherently evil and will destroy the world. Your body is filth.

Second and worst, male? I mean, c’mon. That term I associate with neanderthals. Every ad I see and the general impression of a male shows a knuckle dragging, butt scratching, fart machine. I am better than that. I don’t associate with that male and need to distance myself from it — it has picked up some negative associations. Lesson for my son: Don’t you dare let someone call you a man or a male or anything associated with that neanderthal term.

I have said it before: political correctness is nothing but an ugly truth dressed as a pretty lie. By simply changing labels, we are avoiding the core issue as to why we feel the labels need to be changed in the first place.

I recognize I am going over the top here — but it isn’t too far from the truth. We are politically correcting ourselves to death. Don’t get me wrong — some have been for very good reason since they were borne out of racism or sexism, but that is becoming less and less the case for change. Now, we are so afraid to be different, we strive to be the same. I think honesty with ourselves is long overdue.

What bothers me most about this whole thing is that the fight to “avoid labels” pushes us to a homogeneous society. Instead of a palette of countless colors, we all want to be one, unidentifiable blob. A label means I am different. But the same people that are crying out to stop the labels are in turn saying — “I am INSERT GROUP, hear me roar!”

I have no idea what to teach my son. If he needed to describe a person he just saw, how might he do it? According to all that is politically correct and right, he should say he saw a person — any other defining characteristic — derogatory. Overweight? Short? Tall? Blond? How dare you sir! We are trying to own both sides of an argument — I am proud to be daddy blogger — but don’t you dare call me a daddy blogger! Take HLN’s Mommy bloggers take on anti-obesity ads. Morbidly obese kids should be happy about their weight — but obesity is bad? Huh?

Octavia Spencer was criticized for saying “I am not healthy at this weight”. Did she say “I think I need to be thin to succeed?” — no! Might she feel that way — I wouldn’t doubt it — but that’s not what she said. We are so focused on offending fragile psyches that we are literally willing to die young to avoid it.

Even the term “mommy blogger” is causing some consternation. Take this article by Maria Bailey in MediaPost: Stop Calling Us ‘Mommy’ Bloggers. One bit of feedback she got when posting the question about use of the term “mommy blogger”:

Mommy blogger sounds condescending and doesn’t represent the professionalism of moms who own blogs.

The terms Social Media Moms and Power Moms that Ms. Bailey uses will become roadkill as “social media” and “mom” and “power” take on different meanings, but I do like the most popular term in feedback: “I am a mom and I am a blogger.” Fair enough.

Being different doesn’t create schisms — not being accepting of those differences is what creates schisms. I don’t pretend to think that racism, sexism, ageism and classism don’t exist. But at the same time, I don’t think we need to tack on the word “engineer” to every task ever created nor should we take offense at every single possible label. We can be different and proud without alienating.

Lesson for my son? Treat others like you want to be treated. Unless my son hates himself, I think this should work out.

Image courtesy of sixninepixel

The short of the story for lack of time, but make sure to read it for some crucial points:

The answer, in the peer-reviewed study of the online habits of girls ages 8 to 12, is that those who say they spend considerable amounts of time using multimedia describe themselves in ways that suggest they are less happy and less socially comfortable than peers who say they spend less time on screens.

The internet and social interaction are relatively new when you compare it to say — the telephone or even simply talking to one another. Like television when it was introduced, the societal impact of social media and the internet in general is still unknown and in fact, may never be known.

Television, newspapers and the telephone helped create a global community but to have your voice heard, you needed it to be deemed interesting enough to attract the attention from a large portion of the DMA that the local TV station served or the reach of your local newspaper. Daily interactions with neighbors consisted of “hellos” as we passed one another on our way to and from work or in the form of block parties and hangouts. The Joneses were what we saw on TV and discounted as being “too perfect” — or within 10 house radius — or a second cousin twice removed.

Now the Joneses are everywhere and piping their lives into our browsers every nanosecond of the day. Keeping up with the pack no longer means what I see on my street as I drive to work. The pack is now coming to me and they are coming from well beyond my neighborhood. Everyone from the workout kings and queens to the whiners and perfectionists, from the rich and poor to the hunters and vegans are posting their every whim and fancy for me to watch in the comfort of my own home. Where I once only saw the outside of the house — I now see not only the inside, but every room and cobweb as well.

Keeping up with the Joneses just got a lot harder.

I don’t subscribe to keeping up with the Joneses as well as what “normal” is. Trying to keep up with everyone, all the time, would leave me nowhere and unhappy. My focus would be not on one goal — or a few goals — but the goals of everyone I know — and ultimately goals that are not my own.

Is it possible then that young minds can’t make this distinction and “normal” is now more confusing than ever? Is social media creating a mental log of what we don’t have or don’t do? Will social media be around for my 3-year-old?

As I sat there looking at the picture of the happy runner and thinking “here I sit” — my next thought was “good job.”

…and that I ran yesterday.

Image courtesy of Vlado

As I have mentioned in other posts, I am not an “organic-only” person, although I do lean to them when it comes to our son. Also mentioned in other posts, I grew up on a small farm with a family that made meals from scratch — so for the most part, my diet was inherently organic. Apparently, by eating a vegetarian chicken raised in our front yard, without antibiotics and killed in the last 24 hours (most times within the last hour), I was eating like a socially responsible foodie (NY Times Article). Who knew that people would be willing to pay more for the age old way of raising and eating a chicken?

As usual…I digress….

On to Annie’s Homegrown. What have we tried? The Organic Snack Mix,Organic Fruit Snacks, Natural Mac and Cheese, and the Bunny Grahams.

The short? Everything tasted great — and more importantly, our son loves them as well. I judge fruit snacks on simple criteria: ingredients, taste and texture, with texture being almost as important as taste, and these fruit snacks pass with flying colors. In other words, they make tasty organic and natural food at affordable prices, give back to the community and support sustainable agriculture — much like other organic and natural food producers. Where they kept me as a customer was customer service, which is a dying breed and something my son may never really experience.

We bought a bum box of the grahams. We Opened the bag of grahams inside an undamaged box and we were greeted with a funky smell. Box: fine. Bag: fine. Expiration date: fine.

Satisfied with the product? Nope. So my partner in crime takes to the phone lines. A quick five minute conversation uncovers what we had suspected — a glitch in the production process, specifically one of the oils that was used. Danger? None. Issue? Taste and smell. Result? Apology and a couple days later not only a coupon for a replacement box but a hand signed letter and more coupons. Feeling? Happy.

I know. This should be the rule and not the exception, but those days are long gone. I give kudos to the Annie’s Homegrown team — the replacement was expected, but the added touch of the nice conversation, letter and additional coupons was just right.

This one is different. This is the David Cornfield Melanoma Fund — a charity based in Canada. I am not going to try and tell the story myself, since it is best told by those who lived it. You can find it here.

Take the time to watch it. I know I have thought of skin cancer much in the way described in the video — something that can be cured in a simple office procedure. This makes a very simple case for that not being the exact truth.

When I found it on facebook, the title of the video was simply “Dear 16-year-old me”. I assumed it was another video simply talking about the things you would tell yourself if you could go back in time. I was right to a degree– but this video focuses on Melanoma and how something so very dangerous can be cast aside without thought.

What does this have to do with parenting? A daddy blog? Well, one of the things we can easily overlook as parents is our own health. Time is always pressed and we put things off with the best intentions of getting them done. Taking care of yourself is not selfish or unmanly — it’s responsible.

My son is too young to watch this video (he is 2.9), but it does prove the importance of sun block and sunburns. I grew up on a farm — being in the sun was a fact of life as were sunburns. Watching this video was an eyeopener and I know increased my own awareness.

I will also hug my son just a little bit longer.

I try to balance everything with the Wifey (again, whiff-ey) — almost to a detrimental degree. Our son is still under three, so we haven’t moved into some of the more complex scheduling of school, work and sports, so I can only go with the needs of now. I feed him. I bathe him. I put him to bed. I give him his booboo buddy when he needs it. I hold him when he cries. I wash his clothes. I fold his clothes. I put his clothes away. I give him his nebulizer. I build forts with him. I act as his personal gym set. In other words, I try to be an equal.

Do I want a star? Do I think I am special? No. My simple philosophy is that work should be fairly split. I will admit that some things like his laundry (70%/30%) and in particular toe and fingernail clipping (100%/0%) do skew to the Wifey a bit, but that is due at points to personal preference. Translation: I wait until laundry NEEDS to be done, while the Wifey does it when it SHOULD be done. As for the clipping…my son and I share the same level of coordination right now and that will only lead to bloody fingertips and toes.

What do I find interesting? No matter how hard I have tried to be with our son as equally as much as my Wifey…who does he want when he is hurt? Mommy. Which parent gets tears when they leave? Mommy. If given a choice for holding, which parent is chosen? Mommy. Does this hurt my feelings? No, but it is a curiously natural occurrence (I say curious because some moms DESPISE the “nurturer” designation).

Here’s what I do know. Our kids love us for good or bad. They might critique on a grilled cheese that didn’t have the same exact cheese as yesterday and hit us for no good reason, but they love us. They don’t care who washes their clothes or is quicker with the booboo buddy.

I look back to my own childhood and I know that my parents loved me — they just showed it in different ways. Contrary to where the politically correct world is going — different is okay. Some moms breastfeed only and some avoid it entirely. The right answer? None. The norm? Ha! There is no norm. Anytime I here the phrase “supposed to be”, I laugh. No such thing.

So, Thank You Miss Waldman. It is hard to admit that we hold on to some things for selfish reasons, like that need to be wanted. We all feel it at some point and it is hard to let go. As for “unique comfort”, I couldn’t agree more as I have shown above. You are asking yourself “how can I be the BEST parent to my child?” and see only upside in the answer. I would like to think all parents ask themselves this question, but I know this is only a wish and not reality.

Competing with your spouse to be a better parent — seems to me like one lucky kid.

*Blog image courtesy of Image: AKARAKINGDOMS / FreeDigitalPhotos.net