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Emotiguy | TheDaddyBlogger.comI read this story about Isabella Dutton last week when it was initially published and wanted to pass on making any comment since I knew she had created a self inflicted firestorm that was totally in her right to do so.

Let’s be clear: I don’t fault Ms. Dutton for her feelings about her children. Children are not for everyone. I don’t feel sad or otherwise bothered that some people look at children as nothing more than work. I expect she will get a lot of criticism for not having the ‘normal’ motherly feelings, whatever that means, but when I read it again, I realized it really had nothing to do with her children.

From the Daily Mail: “I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children – especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment – then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers.

Why have them at all if you don’t want to bring them up, or can’t afford to? And why pretend you wanted them if you have no intention of raising them? This hypocrisy is, in my view, far more pernicious and difficult to fathom than my own admission that my life would have been better without children.”

She’s bore her cross for 33 years and now, in public fashion, set her regrets at the feet of her children. Let’s be clear again: She made the choice to have children and did it for reasons she now regrets. Rather than stand her ground, she gave in and now regrets that decision and puts the regret she feels over her youthfully poor decision-making on her children. She knew the outcome going in and now is saying to the world “look at me – look at the cross I bore and how dutifully I bore it,” as though it is a surprise.

It’s simple for me. I think it didn’t need to be said and the fact that she has said it shows the true reason for the article: garner sympathy. I go back to what I said in the beginning: not everyone likes kids, which is well known, but Ms. Dutton went out of her way to list the sadness in her life and puts the onus on not her decision-making skills, but her children. A magical shift of blame.

Although not evident, I am sure there are ramifications that do present themselves or will present themselves in some future after she is gone. Those close to her children will most likely agree they are well adjusted, but always add the classic “but…”.

I decided to write about this since I was given a terrific gift by my parents that took years for me to recognize and is the opposite of how Ms. Dutton raised her children. My parents never gave me their own regrets and dreams. I never needed to follow in their footsteps or try to make right something where they felt wronged. It seems small, but it has provided me the freedom to be whoever I want to be.

They have their battles and I have mine.

Rather than take her kids to a protest and have them hold signs, Ms. Dutton made her kids the signs. In both case, children aren’t willfully protesting, they are being used as agents of protest by the very people that should be protecting — and it is disheartening.

Ms. Dutton – you don’t have my sympathy. I learned how to deal with my own issues without blaming or casting regrets on others a long time ago. I just hope your kids don’t spend their lives trying to fix something that you broke and refuse to fix yourself.

Image courtesy of farconville/

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